Sweet JEEsus God Almighty in Heaven Above, Our LORD...SANC-tifier, PURE-ifier, DE-liverer, Ohhh and a Thousand Amens lifted on High to Your Name! Jesus Jesus Jesus, we be but lonely, desperate sinners in your eyes. But I beg you, PLEAD with me brothers and sister now, I beg you sweet Jesus Heavenly Father, Give us a SIGN! Hear me now brothers and sisters, babies and grandma-mas, mothers, brothers, wretched, poor and rich alike, Jesus Above send us a sign to pull us out of this pathetic slump, this maladjusted stupor. Move us from our seats and pull our sticky asses off our couch in an inspiration of renewed enthusiasm, for LIFE and for all the good things you done given us!
Lordy! Give us such a sexually entwined power-tripping, kool-aid drenched American Apocalytic debacle of a movie as pure and true as Your Mama's hymen! Thank you Jesus! Brothers and Sisters, we are low, so low and our lot has been one of disappointment and bitterness recently. We have become disillusioned-disillusioned, I say to the point of cynicism, that most wretched of sins. We've looked High up in Heaven above for the sweetest holiest cinematic succor, the classics, the auteurs, and Satan KNOWS we've looked Low. So low, my people, have our shameful late night communions with the devil's playthings reached, that we were want for reprieve...
And lo, my people GOD has sent us our reprieve! We been sittin on our couch, as our slothful habits dictate, drinking the drink of the Lord (1), and we threw in our latest piece of digital celluloid, expecting little and hoping for much. And Jesus Lord on High, Heavenly Ghost, he answered! And we were glued to our set. For nigh on an hour and a half, we sat with breath, tightly bated, hearing this sad sad tale of our brothers and sisters in Jesus Christ, how they was all swooped up by this charismatic charlatan, this devil-man and his wild ways and aviator glasses. We were there when they drank the kool-aid and we HEARD those babies crying and that Evil evil man sayin "Don't, don't be like this...Die with dignity!" A thousand and one damnations on his soul, Lord.
We will now take communion brothers and sisters. Mind you don't spill none.
Amen.
1. Pacifico, with lime.
1 comment:
Hear, hear! I saw this in the Plaza Theater in Atlanta and it was incredible. When the guy with the narrow nose and wispy blonde chin tells the story ending in "'You just let me know if you want to, because I'll do that for you,'" the crowd fell from movie theater level silent to funeral procession silent. A lone man laughed out loud. He KNEW what he heard.
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